NICU

"Paciencia Y Fe" - In the Heights

The day had come exactly four months from when the journey began. I was admitted into the hospital on December 21st and now on the very last day of the 36th week, my babies were finally born on April 21st. While being on bed rest, I have listened to the heartbeats of my twins 244 times and felt them kicking and moving inside of my belly more times than I could count. As I was waiting for the c-section to begin, I could not help but think about how extraordinary it would be to able to meet and hold them after all of this time spent lying in bed. The night before that amazing day, Brett and I decided to have a date night since it would be our last official night together as a married couple without kids. I was allowed to leave my room and have dinner with him in the family dining room at the hospital. It felt so good just to be able to sit in a chair and eat normally for the first time since becoming bedridden. I definitely will not miss eating lying down with a big towel draped over me. He brought in yummy food from Hillstone which is one of our favorite restaurants and we had a feast with filets and loaded baked potatoes. A much needed break from my usual hospital food dining experience. Dinner was really nice and we got to spend some time out on the patio for some fresh air before going back to the room. After dinner, we arrived in the now famous, room 2524 and the packing up began. Brett started taking all of the decorations off of the walls and little by little, this room went back to the way it was 17 weeks ago. It was very bittersweet in a way because our "Santa Monica studio" had become our new home, but we were so excited to be finally going back to our real home as a family.

The next day, when the time came to go to the operating room, they let me walk down the hall instead of being rolled in which made the start of this next chapter just that much better. Finally on my feet again! My doctor told me how amazed he was that I had gotten this far along in my pregnancy. He, along with all of the nurses were expecting my c-section to be an unplanned event. Typically, women in my situation go into full preterm labor where contractions can't not be stopped by major drugs and the birth commences with an emergency c-section. This scenario had already happened to some of the other moms here on bed rest, so I always made sure to prepare myself for this kind of potentially scary event. Yet as each week went by, the chances of me delivering too early became less likely and the NICU started becoming a maybe instead of a have to.

In the operating room, I was being prepped for surgery and a sense of calm came over me even though I was being poked and prodded. Then Brett came in and sat down beside me in full scrubs and I knew that the show was about to start. At 5:22pm the first cry was heard from Ella Madison and my own tears could not stop flowing. Then at 5:23pm there was another cry from Ethan Tate and my joyous crying began to echo theirs. Two strong crying babies! They are breathing on their own which means that they could be alright. As soon as Brett came back to me after checking on them he confirmed that they were both very healthy scoring an 8 on their first APGAR test at one minute old and then the score raised to 9 at the five minute mark. No NICU!!! Once they were all cleaned up, they brought them over to me so that I could kiss each one and look at them for the first time. After all of the incredible sacrifice and hard work over the past couple of years, we were finally a family and all of the thousands of minutes spent on bed rest just melted away. Not only were they healthy but everyone in that operating room could not believe their weights! Ethan weighed 6 pounds 2 ounces and Ella weighed 6 pounds even. My petite five foot frame carried over 12 pounds of baby not including the added weight of the two placentas and amniotic fluid sacks. What was even more amazing was the fact that this small piece of string which held my cervix shut for the past four months made this successful outcome possible. My doctor is also an expert at performing the cerclage procedure which drastically helped improved my odds. I heard many horror stories online of poorly done cerclage procedures where the stitch comes loose or falls out, resulting in dire circumstances. When I was being sewn up after the c-section, he was also taking out the cerclage and I requested to keep this miraculous piece of string so that I could never forget how Dr. Tabsh saved the two precious lives of my twins.

*The song "Paciencia Y Fe" is from the 2008 Broadway musical In the Heightswhich won many Tony Awards including Best Musical. The character Abuela Claudia sings this song about her journey to America from Cuba as a young girl, and how her mother kept telling her "paciencia y fe" which means patience and faith since the transition was very difficult. Since being admitted into the hospital, this song has been playing inside of my head because I knew that patience and faith were two things that I would need to survive this tremendous life event. It was so important to stay positive, eat healthy, drink lots of water, and most importantly...stay in bed!

Brett taking down the decorations

Brett taking down the decorations

Me and Dr. Tabsh the night before the c-section

Me and Dr. Tabsh the night before the c-section

The Broadway Babies meet Mommy!

The Broadway Babies meet Mommy!

Proud Papa

Proud Papa

"Something's Coming" - West Side Story

"I got a feeling there's a miracle due, gonna come true, coming to me!" Four months ago, I was given the goal to make it to 36 weeks in my pregnancy so that my twins had the best chance of surviving and leaving the womb pretty much "cooked."  I prayed for this to come true but was always worried that they would have different plans and arrive prematurely.  Each week that went by became a new milestone and celebration because their chances for being healthy kept rising and the threat of staying in the NICU kept falling.  I was also questioning whether or not my petite body could withstand two babies continuing to grow inside of me, but week by week my belly expanded without hesitation.  Since I have miraculously met this goal, the final countdown to parenthood has officially begun.

Now that my "graduation" is so close I can taste it, I can't help but think what I will actually miss about living in the hospital.  This whole experience is not something I would choose for myself or anyone for that matter, but there are some aspects that will be hard to say goodbye to.  Other than the obvious superficial things like not having to cook, clean, or lift a finger, the saddest part of leaving is saying goodbye to all of the nurses that have become my new family.  I literally spent more time with them throughout my stay then with my family and friends since the nurses were taking care of me for the duration of their long, 12 hour shifts.  When I felt lonely, they were there and I really got to know them well in between medicine distribution, checking my vital signs, performing the fetal non-stress tests, etc.  I definitely plan on keeping in touch with my nurses and bringing the twins by for a visit when we are in the area.

The other women on bed rest that I have met while in the hospital have also played a big role in keeping me sane during this time.  The large amount of encouragement and good vibes has been some of the best medicine I have received while being here.  Plans have already been made to meet up with our babies to keep our little "sorority" going outside of the Facebook group and hospital walls.  Some of the Moms have delivered since I have been here and after I leave, there will be even more on their way to "graduating" themselves.  I also plan on continuing to maintain the Facebook group for all of the future bed rest Moms that will move-in after I have left.  The nurses know how to direct new patients to the group and I look forward to watching the amount of members expand for as long as it can last.  One big question I keep thinking about is who will be the next to inhabit room 2524 and more importantly, who will receive the magical sunflower?  I can definitely attest to its powers having become the next Mom that has successfully reached the coveted 36 week mark.

So the anticipation and excitement has really started to build because I could go into labor at any time now and there will be no need to try to stop it with heavy duty drugs.  If I end up not going into labor on my own, then the doctor will just schedule the c-section this week or the next.  My husband will start to pack up my things and take the decorations off of the wall as we prepare for the birth and the much awaited move to the postpartum section of the maternity ward.  It is very strange to finally be at the end of my pregnancy journey after spending so many days in waiting that seemed to last forever.  Now with time flying by, Brett and I are trying to think of everything that needs to be in place so that we are as prepared as possible once we take that car ride home and permanently leave The BirthPlace.  I remember the last car ride we took together was filled with fear as we raced to the hospital after that fateful 19 week ultrasound appointment.  What a difference 17 weeks makes where instead of fear and worry, our car will be filled with joy, elation, and of course two beautiful babies.

*The song "Something's Coming" is from the 1957 Broadway musical West Side Storywhich is a musical adaptation of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet set in 1950's New York City. The main character Tony, is singing about his future and the exciting possibilities that might await him at the dance that night.  He ends up being right because he meets the love of his life, Maria and both of their lives are forever changed.  I am so happy that in my world, the "something" that is coming are my twins which will forever change the lives of Brett and myself.  We completely appreciate all of the love and support throughout these past four months from everyone that has reached out in our time of need.  It is obvious that all of the prayers and well wishes have worked and our dream of becoming a family will come true before the end of April!  "There's something due any day..."

The magical sunflower worked!

The magical sunflower worked!

"Day By Day" - Godspell

Being in the hospital, I am not more religious than I was before, but that I am definitely turning to my religion for support and prayer during this uncertain time. Even though I am in the safest place possible at this point, there are still so many things that can go wrong...specifically, the twins being born too soon. For almost a month now, my doctor has been able to stop the preterm labor from advancing with the cerclage procedure, anti-contraction medication, and me lying in the Trendelenburg position for about 23.5 hours a day. My biggest concern and fear is not knowing how long all of these interventions will last and can only hope that I make it to 37 weeks (full term for twins). Of course if the twins are born sooner, there is still a good chance of survival but I would hate for the babies to start their lives in the NICU with tubes and breathing machines connected to them. I know I should not think about these kind of things and stay positive, but I do need to mentally prepare myself for this possibility and not be caught off-guard if complications arise. Even so, I am still turning to prayer in order to try to prevent any negative outcomes. I have the hospital chaplain come visit me on a weekly basis to help me with the prayers and to talk to me about my feelings regarding my fears. This has been very helpful and it actually brings back a surprisingly nice memory of when my mom was in the hospital. I arranged to have a local Rabbi come visit her to recite the Mi Sheberach prayer which is the Jewish prayer for healing. She was so happy to have this prayer said to her but then she could not remember the name of the prayer afterwards once he left. My mom kept on calling it the "Mushy Bushy" which brought a little bit of humor and joy during such a sad time. Now I am the one asking for the Mi Sheberach to be recited to me, while under my breath pronouncing it "Mushy Bushy" in honor of my mom. :)

In addition to the prayers, I have been receiving a Shabbat kit every Friday when the chaplain comes to visit which includes challah bread, grape juice, and electric candles (so that the hospital doesn't get burned down). Prior to arriving in the hospital when I was living my busy life, I would rarely celebrate Shabbat at home and only attended services sporadically throughout the year. I am not that religious to begin with, but I do try to uphold traditions and holidays as much as possible. Now every Friday, I am performing my own little Shabbat ceremony since I finally have the time to do so. Shabbat is a time of rest and reflection which is difficult to fully participate in when your mind is constantly trying to remember what needs to be accomplished over the weekend. I guess taking part completely in the true meaning of Shabbat with no distractions is just another bed rest perk! Hopefully God notices this and gives me some much needed brownie points.

*The song "Day By Day" is from the 1971 Off-Broadway musical Godspellwhich later made its way to Broadway in 1976 (currently, there is a new revival on Broadway now). The song's main message about God is to "see thee more clearly, love thee more dearly, follow thee more nearly" which I feel like I have been doing since the start of this bed rest predicament because I need all of the spiritual help I can get. Turning to prayer is the one thing that is really helping me focus on positive thinking while trying to silence the worried "what ifs" in my head. The song title itself is very fitting for my situation as well because I am constantly just counting down the days until that 37 week mark which I do hope I make it to (or very close at least). I have a calendar that is hanging in my room where I mark an X on each day as it passes. I have been here a total of 26 days so far, hopefully I have 98 more to go. Day by day by day by day...

My Shabbat kit

My Shabbat kit

Counting down the days

Counting down the days